Charles Thompson’s rusty, old Spitfire had just plummeted into French soil. The slightly built twenty-three year old now had no chance of being able to see his wife Joanne and his two young children Harold, three and Marie just seven months old.His light brown hair blew in the wind as he turned and faced his plane. His hair turned a shade of grey as the ash and smoke leaking from the engine blew past his dusty face giving him octogenarian-like hair. His burnt, once porcelain-coloured hand was aching as he tried to relieve the pain by using a piece of his dusty, dark green jacket to cover it. As he tried to stand up his brain started feeling like fireworks were going off inside.
He wished he had kept his job as an engineer. He yelled and slammed his fist against his plane's wing. Even if he did get found by his comrades his stomach would most likely still kill him, he was starving. The forrest reminded him of the backyard outside his little villa in Napier. His very good sense of hearing could hear the rumbling of tyres....
He woke up staring at a white tiled roof ceiling.
He woke up staring at a white tiled roof ceiling.
“How are you,” bellowed a low voice. He slowly lifted his head to find General Jonesey standing right in front of him.
General Jonesey held up a mirror. Green eyes, brown hair, freckles.
“I’m fine,” Charles looked on his lap to find a tiny leather box.
He opened it to find a small gold cross with ‘Bravery’ carved into it.
Jonathan, Year 6, Room 11, 2010
What a great narrative you have written. It really hooked the audience by weaving together the story and the character description.
ReplyDeleteWe can't wait to read your first published story...
What a great narrative. You weaved the story together greatly especially the last paragraph. Well done.:)
ReplyDeleteSorry bad English it meant to be.......
ReplyDeleteWhat a great narrative. You wove the story together well especially the last paragraph. Well done:)
what a great narrative i like the way you have weaved it all together from Mitchell
ReplyDeleteCOOL jonathan i like the way you weaved the narrative and your description COOL (:
ReplyDeleteThat was a fantastic narrative Jonothan. You weaved together a chacter description and a story really well!!!!
ReplyDeletePetra
Fabulous writing, I think it was really smart how you fitted a breath-taking narrative into
ReplyDeleteonly four paragraphs. :)
From Hester.
I think it was clever how you fitted one breath-
ReplyDeletetaking narrative ina just four parragraphs.
:]
Sorry, had a problem with computer & the editing went silly,:(
ReplyDeleteHey Jonno,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your narrative because you made it interesting not just at the start but the whole way through. Another thing you did well was make it action packed and dramatic at the same time.
William :P