Task: Use the experiences of your colony during the Colonisation Game and write a narrative from the perspective of one of the survivors
As I rocked gently back and forth while waves hit the cabin window, I realised, twitching my nose, that maybe this wasn’t the best of all decisions after all. After a while, the same thought ran through all the passengers minds as the weather turned to a sailor’s nightmare and the journey became hard and rough, as rough as the captain’s beard.
The captain was a short plump man with wide beady eyes, high expectations and a dry sense of humor. He believed his colony was going to work whatever hardships came his way. I hoped this turned out to be true. The captain’s comforting words were whipped away by the wicked wind and the treacherous waves which slowly grew in front of our eyes making us look powerless sailing on the never ending sea.
The crew was devastated as they received the news that we were blown of course over night .The consequences of this were endless but the captain still had hope of what would happen in the future. Those wise hopes were true as the storm slowly started to clear after two days of raging weather. Our journey was delayed by two weeks and the food stores gradually started to run out.
As we sailed into a tiny bay and heard a hungry sailor shout the beautiful words, ” Land ahoy!”, a smile stretched over the captain’s face that was as wide as the land itself. However, as we reached closer the smile shrank to a frown. Suddenly the man in the Crow’s Nest was hit by a blow and fell to the deck. There was no movement from the motionless man. Gone.
There was havoc from the crew as they realized what had happened. Miles of bush were visible from my small rodent sized hiding spot at the bow of the boat, but humanity was rare. A man stood at the edge of the bay with lapping waves at his ankles. The hostile man paused, looking for sense of why we were there. The same thought occurred to us as we docked our boat on the opposite side of the bay.
I scuttled along the mooring rope and into the shallow waters.The breeze was cold and eery. This is the place for me I realized, as I twitched my whiskers back and forth as if I was in a deli filled with cheese. I was finally there.
By Alex, Year 6, 2011
My Dearest Alex, I know I'm your Dad, but I think this is a fantastic piece of writing. The language is so evocative, and I love the "survivor perspective" you've chosen. Mice would have come to New Zealand exactly like this - travelling the oceans as hidden guests, before arriving on the other side of the world. What a lovely narrative. And what a great site this is, Room 11. Thank you all.
ReplyDeleteHey Alex,
ReplyDeleteYour writing hooked me in straightaway because its so descriptive and interesting. I like how you described the captain and the sight they had.I can picture all of this in my mind Well done Alex!!!
Hi Alex
ReplyDeleteFantastic writing Alex I was so attached to your story right intill the end
from sofia
Hello Alex,
ReplyDeleteGreat Work! I thought your piece of writing was excellent!! I thought it was really creative that you wrote it from a mouses perspective!
Ariana and Maia
VERY COOL hooks me in like cheese to a cow no sheep no A RAT!
ReplyDeleteok its really good very entertaing and very discriptive and im all round WOWED
AWESOME stuff Alex enjoyed every bit. As you were making it I heard parts of the story and now to listen to all of it together it just sounds AMAZING. P.S I wonder what our mask will look like for bolliwood???!!!:]
ReplyDeleteAlex,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your writing and seeing how much your writing has developed since I was your teacher in Year 4. Your descriptions were graphic and I could picture and almost feel the journey you were on...and then I realised you were writing as if you were the mouse...very clever. Keep writing and I cannot wait to read one of your books one day
Andrea Fale
Hi Alex
ReplyDeleteyour writing was amazing it hooked me in start to finish and i loved how you were writing from the mouse's point of view it was all so discriptive and interesting great writing.